I don’t know why it has taken so long for me to catch up with myself.
I’ve been transitioning in identity, feeling stuck between two worlds, my life in Alaska not quite matching who I am.
I’ve repressed much of my truth this past year; creating small pockets where I could be me, but not stepping out on a greater scale for fear of judgment, misunderstanding or rejection. Sometimes I just didn’t know how to speak my truth; it takes awhile to discover you have need for a new language of self.
But this last week that shifted for me; Kauai is 8 days away, and I need to go over there as my full, real self.
So I’ve started to be more honest when it feels right. And instead of the “It’s time for a change, and I’d like to do something different than keep running a private practice,” I’m sharing more of my truth and finding my brave by telling my story of all that has transpired since my brother died.
How I began to hear from him from the other side. How the visions and waking dreams began to occur. How I ended up in sweat lodge and full moon ceremony to try and make sense and put scope to all these things. How shamanic gifts began manifesting in my life. How I began to work with the unseen world and working with people’s guides, angels and records of soul to help them find healing and direction.
How I knew I couldn’t remain in Alaska and become the person I am meant to be; how the compulsion to get to Kauai has been imprinted so strongly on my heart, it is no longer a matter of I want to go.
It is a matter of I must go.
It is a relief and release and revolution to be honest and speak my truth, to step outside the weight of caring what others may think. And to re-realize and remember an old truth that I keep living over and over in myriad ways:
Our truth of self is not for other’s to understand, it is for us to understand within our own heart and soul. For we are the only ones who can know who we are on the inside, and we are the only ones who can learn to embody our truth and walk a path where our internal world is in alignment with our external world.
Eight days left in the state as I write these words of honest and real. My truth is shooting through the sky like an arrow; sailing towards that island in the Pacific, pulling me along beside it; it’s flight path never feeling more clear.
The only true target is Love.