Deconstructing Me

I just blew a layer of dust off of this page.

Writing and upkeep of any site has not been at the forefront of life right now.

March was mad and twisty and sideways, April a keyboard of busy punching out letters and lines and time so fast I really couldn’t keep up. But somehow May is here, and so am I, and we are leaving the state in two months time.

The house goes up for sale this weekend, and I’ve given away, donated, released, sold off so many other pieces of older selves over the past month that I find myself feeling increasingly unfettered these days. Sometimes I am thin parchment paper tossing itself about in the breeze, floating to and fro, and sometimes I’m an unwritten page of possibility.

I’ve deconstructed so many of the things that have given me structure and security over the past few weeks. Slashed holes in all my old safety nets. I cancelled my health insurance, along with anything else I could to free up more funds. Am down to a handful of clients at work. Will formally close practice in July. Then go reinvent myself in Kauai.

We are asked to take some leaps of faith in our life when change calls. For me, this is the ultimate test of whether Life and Spirit and Love will make good on their promises to catch me if I leap. Admittedly, there are days where I am free falling in this leap, lately too busy trying to orient myself to time and space to sit down and form words and thoughts around my experiences.

But they say that creation begins in the void. That instability and lack of structure are the ingredients needed for new beginnings and new possibility. And so I’ve been deconstructing myself and life as I knew it, so I can transplant then plant new seeds of me.

It is an act of faith. Of self-belief. Of otherly belief. Of trust and calling.

Maybe a year from now this website will be full and rocking and rolling with all the things I intended it for when I first created it: a place to gather my writing, art, thoughts, healing words, and offer services ranging from individual intuitive readings to women’s circles to teaching and speaking, and have everything in one place to make it all more accessible.

And maybe in that year from this blogroll with be filled with insightful updates from the jungle greens and sunny scenes of Kauai.

But for today, I am gently blowing dust off of these whispered dreams that I am busy living out loud. Taking a pause to reflect and say hello and exhale gently as life tumbles down around me.

And letting myself fall with it.

In Peace,
BethAnne

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